Why do we train? Is there some higher purpose or is it all for narcissistic reasons? Only to satisfy our own reflection. I believe there is a great amount of narcissism involved in all types of training, no matter how unaware you might be that it´s actually there. Even though the goal is not to achieve a certain look or to impress others the insight that you are doing something for yourself, you make it happen for yourself, is egocentric. But I also believe a certain amount of egocentricity is paramount to be able to get stronger, more able and competent in your sport. When we climb we seldom do it on our own, of course individuals exist that almost always climb alone but they don´t make out the big majority of climbers. For most of us it is a social event that takes place when we are together with people we love and care for, and who hopefully care for us too. The same with most training where you need the confirmation, the assistance, the input and feedback from others to be able to progress.
I love to train on my own certain days, other days I need someone to be close by to cheer me on and give me feedback. And if I am lucky someone is interested in giving me this confirmation.. But I do not expect it!
I come from a family where, sadly, egocentrism, narcissism, individuality and independence were important foundations for whatever personal achievements we might reach. We seldom gave each other credit back then or told each other we did something impressive or that we realized the importance of a certain milestone in each others life, we rarely do today. One reason may be that we all have a passion for different things, we don´t really share any common interests. Sadly I have come to despise this and know today that it´s a heritage I have to fight not to keep. I have never looked up to this type of philosophy and so I would never strive to continue this tradition. Though sometimes I do without knowing. Today we also live in different parts of the country, unaware of how much we are missing of each others life..
The importance of realizing this has become one of the most profound lessons in my life. I know what I have to work with in my own behavior. So when I climb, train or set a goal I never expect anyone to believe in me or care if I make it or not. This is something I want to change. I want someone to care, because otherwise I will end up just as stingy as my family taught me to be. And I also want to care more for others, to believe in them and cheer them on when they need it. This can be just as rewarding! Now I just have to find the courage to ask for support, reveal my goals and stand for them. I will not be proud of my self, not genuinely, if I never do.